I Chose to Obey; God Enabled Me to Do So
As a child and as a teen, I experienced trauma. I have sometimes thought that the neglect, emotional, and physical abuse that I experienced “wasn’t so bad.” I’m certain that many have endured violence far worse than my own. But my pain was real and significantly affected me. And I don’t want to minimize it.
God made clear to me that I was to forgive those who had hurt me. I did not want to do so but was certain that I needed to out of obedience to God. There were passages in the Bible that encouraged me in this direction. There was the passage from the Sermon on the Mount. These were words that Jesus spoke about forgiving others. If I wanted to be forgiven for what I had done against God, I needed to forgive what others had done against me
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15
Another passage was in the letter from Paul to the Colossians.
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:12-13
This seemed even harder. I needed to forgive as God forgave me. God forgave by removing our sins from us and remembering them no more.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:11-12
For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.
Hebrews 8:12
I thought perhaps there was a way around this. Maybe the verses on forgiving each other meant others that I have fellowship with. Maybe I only needed to forgive friends and those I want to love. But no. The Bible was clear that I was to love and do good to my enemies.
“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,” Luke 6:27
Repay no one evil for evil but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21
Besides, I knew better than to look for excuses. I already had the Holy Spirit’s conviction. God wanted me to forgive those who hurt and abused me.
Forgiving those who had perpetrated evil against me was far beyond what I was capable of, but I knew that if God was asking this of me, he would also help me with it. I chose to obey God. I chose to forgive. Over and over again, I chose to forgive. I prayed to be able to forgive. I prayed to be able to obey.
There were four people that I needed to forgive but was unable to do so with any of them in person. One had died, one had dementia, and I knew nothing of the where abouts of the other two.
I chose to forgive one person at a time. I met with a trusted counselor and, for each person, over a period of weeks, discussed and uncovered what it was that the person had done that hurt me so badly. When I was ready, I wrote a letter to that abuser stating clearly what he or she had done and the impact it had on me. I then stated that I was forgiving and releasing anything that I had previously held in bitterness against him or her. I would read the letter out loud to the counselor, pray with him, then burn the letter. In total, for all four people, the process took maybe six or seven months.
God used my forgiveness to change me. It released and freed me from my past. It enabled me to let go of the shame I had always felt for what was done to me. And in forgiving others, I felt God’s forgiveness more completely. With that came a newfound joy and delight in my relationship with God and a new understanding and way of viewing my past.
God has always been with me, even protecting me. But God did allow pain and suffering in my life. I am convinced that if it had not been so, I would never have turned to Christ. Because of my pain, I was drawn into a deeply intimate, personal relationship with my Savior. I was forgiven of all my sins and enabled to forgive others. Through forgiveness, I was able to rid myself of the rage, bitterness, and anger I had stored within me. I was given a new heart capable of loving and receiving love.
God continues to pour his grace and mercy into my life. He blesses me with an awareness of his presence and a desire to know, love, and serve him more and more each day. God also makes me aware of sin and areas of my life that I need to change. I am so grateful for this process.
God is good. In everything he does and even in everything he allows in my life, God is good. And God loves me with a steadfast, everlasting, and perfect love. God required obedience from me. God required me to forgive my enemies. I chose to obey God. I chose to forgive my enemies, and God enabled me to do so, and allowed me to experience his love in a way that I didn’t think was possible.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21