When Depression Returns, Choose Jesus
God Uses His Power to Display His Glory
God used the same power in my life that he used to raise Jesus from the dead. Not because I deserved it. Not because I earned it. Not because of anything I did or didn’t do. But because God, out of his great grace and mercy, chose to use his power to display his glory in my life. God poured his love and blessing over me and removed a blanket of depression from my life. God gave me my very own miracle – one I will always remember and be forever grateful for.
God healed the part of my depression that was due to the hurt and anguish I suffered as a child. I am biologically predisposed to depression. I have major depressive disorder. When God healed me, he didn’t change that part of me that is so prone to depression, but he took away the depression that had been added on by what was done to me by those who hurt me. God lifted a huge weight from me. I may not be able to explain it as accurately as I would like, but I know without a doubt that I was changed. I may still struggle with depression, but not to the same extent that I had been for so long.
God Reveals Himself Through His Word and Spirit
In addition to taking this depression from me, God drew me into a deeper and more intimate relationship with him to a level I had not known possible. God revealed himself to me through his word and his Spirit in new ways. I came to know that I was not the unlovable person I thought I was. I am a cherished and loved child of God. I learned in a knew way that my God is always with me, and has always been with me, in all my moments in all my days. He dwells with me and is within me. I began to appreciate prayer so much more. The Almighty God, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Creator of the Universe, welcomes me graciously before his throne as his daughter. And I have come closer to knowing the depth and breadth and width and height of his love. I am awed. I am humbled. I am blessed.
God Can Use Pain for His Glory
And God gave me understanding into how he used pain and suffering and depression in my life for his glory. I may only know in part this side of heaven, but this understanding has helped me move forward both in my relationship with God and in the healing process.
God is Enough
God is enough. That he reveals himself to me, heals me, makes his presence known to me are all wonderful blessings that I don’t deserve. But I believe God gives each of us what we need. Maybe these blessing were what I need, or maybe they are simply incredible gifts displaying God’s love and glory to me in wonderful and unexpected ways. I now know God’s love to the depth of my soul and the core of my being. Nothing can happen to me that will ever shake me from that knowledge or take me from his love.
Romans 8:35-39
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Belief vs. Action
So, I know, and I am convinced of God’s love. Do I always act like it? Sadly, no. I still have bad habits. I still sin. I still sometimes withdraw into myself when faced with difficulties that I am afraid to deal with. I hide from not just myself, but also from God. I have done so much less frequently. Maybe, more recently, after doing so well, I began to coast, thinking I had life figured out, a good relationship with God and no longer struggling with depression.
Depression Returns
Imagine my surprise to realize that the lethargy, sadness, and inability to deal with everyday matters. I really didn’t like admitting it, but I was, and am, once again depressed. Not “the Big D” like I dragged around and was surrounded with previously, but none the less, depressed. I try to pretend I’m not. I find myself once hiding from not just myself, but from God. I don’t want to deal with this. I don’t want to even look at what hurts. I don’t want to put the work into it will probably be needed. And how can I go before God unless I do so uncovered, and hiding nothing?
My Longing
Yet I long touch the hem of Jesus’ cloak, hear my Lord and God say my name, look into my Savior’s eyes. It’s a dilemma. When I need God most, I hide from him.
Trying to Hide
Again, I need God, not to “feel good”, but to sit in his presence. He is God. He offers me himself and he is all I need. He is my rock, my shield, my comfort, and my fortress. He is my hiding place, my place of safety, yet instead, I hide from him. But I know my effort to hide from God is in vain.
Psalm 139:7-12
7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
God Longs to Comfort Me
Since hiding is useless, and God offers me the comfort I need, clearly, I know what I need to do. Why then is it so difficult? I need to come before God, seek his forgiveness, and allow him to show me his love. And I know my God who loves me longs to comfort me. I need to only to come before him. I think of Isaiah 30:18-19.
Isaiah 30: 18-19
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.
God Know My Frame
God wants me to come to him with my walls down. He sees me just as I am. He created me. He knows my frame. I am wonderfully made.
Psalm 139: 13-16
13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
I Choose the Hope I Have in Jesus
When I am depressed, I think I have no hope. But here and now, I choose even as I once again face depression, to remember the hope I have in Jesus.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
My Hope is Sure
In Jesus, I have the hope of eternal life. I am saved through my faith in Jesus. My hope is sure.
1 Peter 1:3-5
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
I Choose the Hope I Have in Who God Is
I chose to remember who God is and what he’s done.
Lamentations 3:21-23
21 But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
God is the great I AM. He is the Sovereign Lord, Creator, and Ruler of the universe. God is omnipotent. He can do all that he chooses to do. God is good, all good, and only good. God loves us perfectly with a steadfast love. And God is faithful. All his promises are true. All that he says he will do, he will do. I have hope because of who God is.
Life is Hard
We’re told that life will be hard, but Jesus tells us to take heart.
John 16:33
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
I will Cast My Cares on Jesus
So, I come to the foot of the cross, and I bring with me my hurt and pain and confusion. I will do as it says in 1st Peter.
1 Peter 5:17
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
I will Come to Jesus
Jesus cares for me. Jesus wants me to come to him when I am weary. He promises me rest.
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
I will Come Before God
I choose to come before my God who loves me and cares for me. I choose to no longer hide but come with my walls down. I will sit in the presence of my Father. I will love and be loved. At this point I’m not sure what else I’ll do, but I think that’s a good starting point.
No More Tears
I long for heaven when I will see my God face to face. There will be no more tears, no more pain, no more suffering. God will wipe the tears from my eyes. I will be made whole. And I will be with my Savior.
Revelation 21:3-4
3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Our Light and Momentary Afflictions
Heaven will be far beyond anything I can imagine. And, if I understand correctly, my struggles now, even my depression, is achieving for me eternal glory. Everything in this life will soon be gone. Heaven, with my God, with our God, will be forever.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Choosing Hope / Choosing Jesus
This I know with certainty. God is good, and God loves me with a steadfast love. I know this. I believe this. I hold on to it. I hold on to Jesus.
I choose the hope I have in Jesus. I fix my eyes on him.